two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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