Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
