Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
