sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
