remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
