so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
