Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
nutella sex= disaster
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
