he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
