I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
