I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
