oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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