dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
