The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
