those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
