I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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