I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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