I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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