you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
