I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
