FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I am one with the molecules
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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