i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
