just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
