Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
