Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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