the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
its not stalking. its research.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
