She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
