I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
