I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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