I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
