Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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