and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The air was thick with penises
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
