he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
where does the pee come out of this thing
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
