Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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