We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
