Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
