She announced her abortion via fbk
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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