I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
