It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
