So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
