You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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