no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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