just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
