I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
