theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
