Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize
