It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You were trust falling into bushes
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
