Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
