I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
