I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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