So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
