Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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