I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
soo... how was my night?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
