You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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