I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
