Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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