Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
