You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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