I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
