I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
