Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
