the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize