Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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