this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
