She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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