Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
