This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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