I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
