My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
