forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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