I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
