nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
