yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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