I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
