I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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